Journal Entry

I used to be a great journal keeper in my youth. My goal is to someday pick it up again but for now I am sporadic and take what I can get. Tonight I had to write down the events of the day because I have been traumatised by Hans' fear of going to Heaven. I wrote it down quickly so just ignore all my errors. I'll fix them in my journal later. Instead of trying to repeat this to all my family who like to hear about my boys I decided just to post it instead.........

2-2-10
Hans has been a little concerned lately about going to Heaven. He doesn’t want to. It all started when he had a lesson in church Sunday about the great council in heaven and our decision to follow Jesus and not Lucifer. Hans gave us our FHE lesson on Monday about it and used his visual aides he made in class. It was only about 15 seconds long, 5 of which he was silently gathering his thoughts before he started. He did great and I am thankful for his teacher.
So today Hans told me in a really sad voice he doesn’t want to go back to heaven. He likes it here best. I tried to explain how wonderful heaven will be, we just don’t remember it now. He is convinced it is not where he wants to be even when I tell him that our family will live there together forever & that we are so excited to go there because Grandpa Whipple & Stetson are already there waiting for us. To that he replied “and Elmer’s dog that Kayde ran over with his truck when he wasn’t paying attention?” We had the “dog’s spirits go to heaven too” talk the other day. (Knox kept thinking I said Kate ran it over with her truck).
Tonight Hans kept asking me how long we will be in heaven & how long before we get there. We learned the other night at scripture study that Jacob died because he was old. To that Hans replied “Like Uncle Scott and Troy? They are really old. They are going to die.”
I tried to explain in every way possible how wonderful Heaven is and that we want to be there forever with our families so we want to live righteously. I also tried to console him about not having to worry about going there yet. Nothing seemed to be working so finally I said that if you pray to Heavenly Father and ask him to make you feel better and know that Heaven is a happy place he will make you feel better. He still quivered his lip & wiped his tear.
Knox was in his crib listening to our conversation. He had to participate too so he said “Mommy, Heavenly Father gives me hugs all day long.”
Now for Knox. Lately for his prayers he has been saying them almost all by himself. He looses focus easily and has to be brought back to praying instead of doing a trick or something but he is trying. I have been going down the line saying bless the Bishop, Stake Pres., Pres. Monson, to which he repeats each one. However, when he gets to Pres. Monson he smiles really big and says Thomas S. Monson. So tonight for prayers Hans was blessing everyone (including Jesus) and said bless Pres. Monson. Then from behind a blanket in his crib Knox declares “you mean Thomas S. Monson Hansy.”